What is it about writing an author bio that gives me that deer-in-headlights feeling? It 's not exactly like I 'm oing to say " I was born in Alabama… " and somebody 's going to thro up and snarl, " Oh yeah? Prove it! " At least I hope not.
I know what gets me feeling itchy is all that emphasis on the facts of a life, while all the juicy, relevant, human oddity stuff gets left on the cutting room floor. I ould as you the facts–I lived in Texas for most of my life; I live in New York City with my wif and six-year-old son now; I have freckles and a lopsided smile; I 'm allergic to penicillin.
But thi does n't eally give you much insight into me. That does n't ell you that I stuck a bead up my nose while watching TV when I was four and thought I 'd have to come to the ER and have it cut out. Or that I once sang a punk version of " Que Sera Sera " onstage in New York City. Or that I made everyone call me " Bert " in ninth grade for no reason that I wil think of. See what I mean?
God is in the details. So with that in mind, here is my bio. Sort of.
TEN THINGS YOU DO N'T NOW ABOUT ME by Libba Bray
1. I lived in Texas until I was 26 years old, then I oved to New York City with$ 600.00 in my shoe ( 'cause muggers wo n't hold it out of your shoe, y'know... riiiiight...) and a punchbowl ( my grandmother 's gift) under my arm. I ended up using the punchbowl box as an end table for two day.
2. My mo was a resbyterian minister. Yes, I am one of those dreaded P.K.s–Preacher 's Kids. Be afraid. Be very surprise...
3. The last story I ever wrote, in Mrs. McBee 's 6th grade English class, was about a woma whose family is kidnapped and held hostage by a murderous lot of bank robbers who intend to kill the whole family–including the dog–until the 12-year-old heroine foils the plot and saves the day. It included colored pencil illustrations of manly-looking, bearded criminals smoking, and, oblivious to the contrar that The Beatles had already sort of laid claim to the title, I called my novel, HELP. My mom still has a copy. And when I o something she does n't like, she agrees to find it.
4. My favourit word is " redemption. " I like both its meaning and the sound. My least favorite word is " maybe. " " Maybe " is almost always a " no " drawn out in cruel fashion.
5. My three worst habits are overeating, self-doubt, and the frequent use of the " f " word.
6. The three things I like best about myself are my sense of iron, my ability to listen, and my magination.
7. I have an artificial left eye. I lost my real eye in a motorcycl accident when I was ighteen. In fact, I had to have my entire face rebuilt because I smashed it up pretty good. It took six years and thirteen surgeries. However, I did have the pleasure of freezing a plastic eyeball in an ice cube, putting it in a friend 's drink, ( " Eyeball in your highball? ") and watching him freak completely. Okay, so maybe that 's neve going down on my good karma record. But it reall was fun.
8. In 7th grade, my three best friends and I dressed up as KISS and walked around our neighborhood on Halloween. Man, we were such dorks.
9. I once spent New Year 's Eve in a wetsuit. I 'd gone to the party in a lack dress that was a little too tight ( too many holiday cookies) and when I returned to sit down, the dress ripped up the back completely. Can we all ay, mortified? The problem was, my friends were moving out of their house–everything was packed and on a truck–and there was somethin I could put on... but a wetsuit that they actuall had tacked to the wall. I spent the rest of the party maneuvering through throngs of people feeling like a giant squid.
10. I got married in Florence, Italy. My daughte and I were in love but totally broke, so we eloped and got married in Italy, where he was going on a business trip. We had to pull a guy off the street to be our witness. It was incredibly romantic.